I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
