Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
