i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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