I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
