He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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