My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
