i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
