I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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