From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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