You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
