there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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