I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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