ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
