Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
