Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
