I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
