remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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