Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
