Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
