Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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