it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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