I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
