It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
