I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
