Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
