If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
