Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't make out with my wife yet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
