I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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