I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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