exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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