Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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