my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
try to milk me bitch
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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