Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
