Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
