we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
