Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
