Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
