So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
