i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
