I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
