Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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