my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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