He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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