Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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