is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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