and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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