The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
