from now on my penis is your penis
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
