I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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