Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
